Jump to content
bludog

A Compassionate Offer From The Queen

Recommended Posts

Queen Offers to Restore British Rule Over United States

LONDON (The Borowitz Report)—In an unexpected televised address on Saturday, Queen Elizabeth II offered to restore British rule over the United States of America.

Addressing the American people from her office in Buckingham Palace, the Queen said that she was making the offer “in recognition of the desperate situation you now find yourselves in.”

"This two-hundred-and-forty-year experiment in self-rule began with the best of intentions, but I think we can all agree that it didn't end well," she said.

The Queen urged Americans to write in her name on Election Day, after which the transition to British rule could begin “with a minimum of bother.”

Elizabeth acknowledged that, in the wake of Brexit, Americans might justifiably be alarmed about being governed by the British parliamentary system, but she reassured them, “Parliament would play no role in this deal. This would be an old-school monarchy. Just me, and then, assuming you’d rather not have Charles, we could go straight to William and those children of his who have mesmerized you so.”

Using the closing moments of her speech to tout her credentials, the Queen made it clear that she has never used e-mail and has only had sex with one person "very occasionally."

borowitz-andy.png
  • Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.

    Read more »

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/queen-offers-to-restore-british-rule-over-united-states?fbclid=IwAR3ChfdeNAfPn0RbbjTAvJJhXhOB24rW_cGrDxuS_uDG_9BN5pZjAYGDaPg

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey Blue, 

Great post!!!

 

you know liberals love comedy, and they are mostly pretty good at depicting all these major incidentals that just happen to control most folks thoughts. Well I haven't a foggy clue what the Queen of the British Isles is really thinking these days...And yet Andy Borowitz uncannily zooms in where most East Londoners, and for that matter, much of the world, would certainly like to go. You know the visionaries silt, this fine soot of sand, or clay matter that affixes itself within the winds of reality.

 

And Sarah, so pure, so very pure.You search for a Sarah, lost in the silt, in a wind storm, someone who can exclaim what it's like to be here, possibly in the US, and the good things, and the

bad things too. What is a Jew who criticizes Israels policy towards the Palestinian state, are they anti-semitic. or are they haters of America - and what about the white guy of Christian descent, is he a hobo?

Charlie Bukowski, "The Crunch"

 

 

Peace!

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, bludog said:

Queen Offers to Restore British Rule Over United States

 

borowitz-andy.png

By Andy Borowitz

October 29, 2016

 

 
 

Borowitz-Queen-Elizabeth.jpg PHOTOGRAPH BY REX FEATURES VIA AP

LONDON (The Borowitz Report)—In an unexpected televised address on Saturday, Queen Elizabeth II offered to restore British rule over the United States of America.

Addressing the American people from her office in Buckingham Palace, the Queen said that she was making the offer “in recognition of the desperate situation you now find yourselves in.”

"This two-hundred-and-forty-year experiment in self-rule began with the best of intentions, but I think we can all agree that it didn't end well," she said.

The Queen urged Americans to write in her name on Election Day, after which the transition to British rule could begin “with a minimum of bother.”

Elizabeth acknowledged that, in the wake of Brexit, Americans might justifiably be alarmed about being governed by the British parliamentary system, but she reassured them, “Parliament would play no role in this deal. This would be an old-school monarchy. Just me, and then, assuming you’d rather not have Charles, we could go straight to William and those children of his who have mesmerized you so.”

Using the closing moments of her speech to tout her credentials, the Queen made it clear that she has never used e-mail and has only had sex with one person "very occasionally."

 

 

borowitz-andy.png

  • Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.

    Read more »

 

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/queen-offers-to-restore-british-rule-over-united-states?fbclid=IwAR3ChfdeNAfPn0RbbjTAvJJhXhOB24rW_cGrDxuS_uDG_9BN5pZjAYGDaPg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks your majesty, but no thanks.The Brits are about to install Boris Johnson as Prime Minister. He’s better than Trump but only in the way that a punch to the groin is better than a kick. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 minutes ago, Olivaw said:

borowitz-andy.png

 

By Andy Borowitz

October 29, 2016

 

 

 

 
 

 

Borowitz-Queen-Elizabeth.jpg PHOTOGRAPH BY REX FEATURES VIA AP

 

LONDON (The Borowitz Report)—In an unexpected televised address on Saturday, Queen Elizabeth II offered to restore British rule over the United States of America.

Addressing the American people from her office in Buckingham Palace, the Queen said that she was making the offer “in recognition of the desperate situation you now find yourselves in.”

"This two-hundred-and-forty-year experiment in self-rule began with the best of intentions, but I think we can all agree that it didn't end well," she said.

The Queen urged Americans to write in her name on Election Day, after which the transition to British rule could begin “with a minimum of bother.”

Elizabeth acknowledged that, in the wake of Brexit, Americans might justifiably be alarmed about being governed by the British parliamentary system, but she reassured them, “Parliament would play no role in this deal. This would be an old-school monarchy. Just me, and then, assuming you’d rather not have Charles, we could go straight to William and those children of his who have mesmerized you so.”

Using the closing moments of her speech to tout her credentials, the Queen made it clear that she has never used e-mail and has only had sex with one person "very occasionally."

 

 

 

 

 

borowitz-andy.png

 

  • Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.

    Read more »

 

 

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/queen-offers-to-restore-british-rule-over-united-states?fbclid=IwAR3ChfdeNAfPn0RbbjTAvJJhXhOB24rW_cGrDxuS_uDG_9BN5pZjAYGDaPg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks your majesty, but no thanks.The Brits are about to install Boris Johnson as Prime Minister. He’s better than Trump but only in the way that a punch to the groin is better than a kick. 

 

 

 

borowitz-andy.png

 

By Andy Borowitz

October 29, 2016

 

 

 

 
 

 

Borowitz-Queen-Elizabeth.jpg PHOTOGRAPH BY REX FEATURES VIA AP

 

LONDON (The Borowitz Report)—In an unexpected televised address on Saturday, Queen Elizabeth II offered to restore British rule over the United States of America.

Addressing the American people from her office in Buckingham Palace, the Queen said that she was making the offer “in recognition of the desperate situation you now find yourselves in.”

"This two-hundred-and-forty-year experiment in self-rule began with the best of intentions, but I think we can all agree that it didn't end well," she said.

The Queen urged Americans to write in her name on Election Day, after which the transition to British rule could begin “with a minimum of bother.”

Elizabeth acknowledged that, in the wake of Brexit, Americans might justifiably be alarmed about being governed by the British parliamentary system, but she reassured them, “Parliament would play no role in this deal. This would be an old-school monarchy. Just me, and then, assuming you’d rather not have Charles, we could go straight to William and those children of his who have mesmerized you so.”

Using the closing moments of her speech to tout her credentials, the Queen made it clear that she has never used e-mail and has only had sex with one person "very occasionally."

 

 

 

 

 

borowitz-andy.png

 

  • Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.

    Read more »

 

 

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/queen-offers-to-restore-british-rule-over-united-states?fbclid=IwAR3ChfdeNAfPn0RbbjTAvJJhXhOB24rW_cGrDxuS_uDG_9BN5pZjAYGDaPg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks your majesty, but no thanks.The Brits are about to install Boris Johnson as Prime Minister. He’s better than Trump but only in the way that a punch to the groin is better than a kick. 

 

 

 

Alas, comedy is often a knee jerk reaction to only one tragedy at a time , but truthfully, The Queen hates that bigot too!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

23 minutes ago, TheOldBarn said:

 

35 minutes ago, Olivaw said:

Thanks your majesty, but no thanks.The Brits are about to install Boris Johnson as Prime Minister. He’s better than Trump but only in the way that a punch to the groin is better than a kick. 

 

Alas, comedy is often a knee jerk reaction to only one tragedy at a time , but truthfully, The Queen hates that bigot too!!!

 

She isn”t the only Queen who hates him.   Queen protests Donald Trump's use of We Are the Champions

 

Quote

 

Rock band Queen have lodged the latest protest against Donald Trump after the presidential candidate played the band’s famous anthem We Are the Champions at the Republican National Convention.

 

“An unauthorized use at the Republican Convention against our wishes,” the British band said in a succinct statement posted on Twitter.

 

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, TheOldBarn said:

And Sarah, so pure, so very pure.You search for a Sarah, lost in the silt, in a wind storm, someone who can exclaim what it's like to be here, possibly in the US, and the good things, and the bad things too.

 

Huh? Who's Sarah and what's this about?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, bludog said:

"

This two-hundred-and-forty-year experiment in self-rule began with the best of intentions, but I think we can all agree that it didn't end well," she said.

 

Yeah, well, it doesn't feel like a day over two-hundred-and-thirty-nine.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/19/2019 at 3:52 AM, laripu said:

 

Yeah, well, it doesn't feel like a day over two-hundred-and-thirty-nine.

we just got to eat our Wheaties / it implies that on the box.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...