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One of the best discussions on Kavanaugh and Blasey-Ford.  Yes, from a Redneck.

 

 

 

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What woman wants to go through something as traumatic as someone trying to force the issue and/or actually going through with it?  There are actually several reasons women don't tell at the time it happens.  One is they're job scared.   It was in the 1980s, when it happened to me, and I did tell my immediate supervisor, (an older woman), who told her supervisor  (an older man), who obviously went to the owner of the company (McCleans  Trucking), who was the one who did it.   I was laid off a week or so later and at the time, was the highest paying job I'd ever had at the age I was then.   A couple yrs later, I saw his mug on a billboard, and he was running for office in NC, don't remember exactly what it was.   This happened in the 80's, and it never even occurred to me to take it further.   It was, however, traumatic, and seems like it happened yesterday.  Ford didn't tell, and from her testimony, I got that she was mortified/ashamed/afraid.   But, when she saw that Kavanaugh was probably going to be on the SCOTUS, she DID tell, and I understand why.    If the owner of that trucking company did that to me in the 2000s, I would own a chunk of that trucking company, but, oh well.  And why wasn't anything said about the men who waited 20/30+ years to finally come forward about the priests?  I'd be really interested in that answer.

 

Also,  what if it were YOUR daughter, wife, mother, sister, friend?   Would you still have the same attitude if it were YOUR daughter?     I'm really interested in that answer, too.

 

Educate the women in your family as best you can and let them know they can always come to you, no matter who the person was that molested, harassed, touched, or even forced more on them, and you won't judge them but will help them.    Could be that many in your own family don't open their mouths because they hear your bullBad word and just don't bother.  

 

 

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Great video. Women understand this all of course, but for men, it's really instructive to have a man talk to them that way.

 

Why?

I don't know. We should be able to learn from having a woman tell us. But we don't.

 

Anyway, I love the video. I will share it.

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23 hours ago, laripu said:

We should be able to learn from having a woman tell us. But we don't.

 

This question is starting to interest me. On average, men don't listen to women nearly as well as they listen to other men. Why?

 

Maybe there are multiple reasons. I don't know.

 

Here's something I notice at home. Preface this with the following: my wife is a capable and intelligent woman, with intelligent things to say. 

 

She tells me that I don't listen to her enough.  (A common complaint that women have about men.)

 

Here it is:

 

She talks to the dogs or the cats, sometimes in another room, quieter than I can make out. When I ask what she said, she says, "Nothing! I'm just talking to the dogs."

 

She talks to herself, quieter than I can hear, about nothing that concerns me. When I ask what she said, she says, "Nothing! I'm just talking to myself."

 

I've asked her not to do that because I didn't want to learn to ignore her. That caused a fight. So instead I've learned to ignore all of that. Sometimes it gets on my nerves.

 

But when she's actually talking to me, and it's my turn,  sometimes she angrily refuses to let me finish my sentence, as though she knows what I'm going to say. (Sometimes she does, but only 25% of the time.) And also, she's mostly uninterested in things I have to say about work; but tolerates that. So mostly, I shut up at home. I relegate myself to being the funny man that makes her laugh. I try to listen when she talks to me, but sometimes I fail because I'm occupied with my own thoughts and it sounds like she's talking to a dog.

 

So that's one dynamic. Maybe there are others. But in my case it explains, at least to me, why I sometimes don't listen to my wife. When she gets my attention, I do listen. Often, other times it's just her telling a dog that he a good boy. I don't need to pay attention to that.

 

Obviously, I'm not a good boy.

 

So I would like to know the opinions of others, male and female, on this. (The topic in general, or this in particular.)

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Is the "why" totally uninteresting to everyone? A boring topic?

 

Or does everyone really have nothing to say on this issue?

Or am I viewed as an ancient sexist, and you're all avoiding insulting me?

Or all you loathe to offer an opinion for fear of starting an argument in which you look bad?

 

Just wondering why there are no responses. I really would like honest opinions.

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8 hours ago, laripu said:

Is the "why" totally uninteresting to everyone? A boring topic?

 

Or does everyone really have nothing to say on this issue?

Or am I viewed as an ancient sexist, and you're all avoiding insulting me?

Or all you loathe to offer an opinion for fear of starting an argument in which you look bad?

 

Just wondering why there are no responses. I really would like honest opinions.

I'm wondering if men are so different from females that they take us for granted and just tune us out.  I'm the same way.   About the only time we talk is when we watch the news and marvel at how Trump gets away with anything.  If he wants to talk about work, I listen, though I have no idea what he's talking about.  Personally, I believe he just doesn't care what I say.  When I get his attention (and that's not easy to do), I try to talk about every day issues.  I might as well talk to the cats, so I do.  I know this probably doesn't help you out much, but it's a problem that a lot of women have.  I love to watch people, and I see  it all of the time.   I do believe if men made just a little more of an effort, they would have a happy wife, and they would benefit from it greatly.  We don't' like being invisible and taken for granted.  A little attention goes a long way, my friend.   My suggestion is that if you love her,  get closer and watch what happens.   🎃

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On 10/12/2018 at 12:37 PM, laripu said:

Great video. Women understand this all of course, but for men, it's really instructive to have a man talk to them that way.

 

Why?

I don't know. We should be able to learn from having a woman tell us. But we don't.

 

Anyway, I love the video. I will share it.

I'll be sharing it, too.  It's a great video.

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11 hours ago, Mindy09 said:

If he wants to talk about work, I listen, though I have no idea what he's talking about.

 

It is, in the end, the main thing I have to talk about. The polite lack of interest is palpable. So why should I persist in that area? Occasionally I deliver the news about some things, mostly I shut up.

 

I am, however, still hearing stories from 1997, the last time my wife worked in a job. (That isn't a criticism. She works incredibly long and hard at home. Too hard. I  worry about her.)

 

11 hours ago, Mindy09 said:

I might as well talk to the cats, so I do.

 

Why do you do this? The cats aren't engaging in conversation with you. Forgive the presumption, but is it that important to you to hear your voice, when the words don't matter at all?

 

11 hours ago, Mindy09 said:

I know this probably doesn't help you out much, but it's a problem that a lot of women have.

 

In the contrary, I find this interesting. And thank you for replying. It shows courage that others have not shown.

 

On a related issue, I've found that subtle changes in tone of voice are sometimes perceived by women as threatening. My examples: excitement about a scientific discovery, or intense interest in a work of music or art. Why this should be so, I don't know, but I've been told to change the level of intensity in my voice. This has been the case over decades, from multiple women, but never from men. Men meet this excitement with their own excitement. It even happens when friends come over, and I discuss politics with the husband, who is a nice guy, ex-military, but politically more to the right. We get into great discussions, and then both wives insist that they can't stand it. In that context, we just insist we're having fun and keep talking. 

 

Alone, I just shut up.

 

I'm more interested in keeping the peace than in being heard. If my voice is threatening, and I want to avoid fights, I do what's left to me. I shut up.

 

As to why I avoid fights, it is because I've found that when women fight, they always go for the jugular, no matter how trivial the argument. (Most, not all. But not just my wife.) They fight like their lives depend on a tiny detail. They fight with every weapon, no matter how irrelevant the weapon. They fight like Donald Trump.

 

Better to just shut up, unless there's an important reason to insist on being heard.

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On 10/11/2018 at 1:32 PM, Mindy09 said:

What woman wants to go through something as traumatic as someone trying to force the issue and/or actually going through with it?  There are actually several reasons women don't tell at the time it happens.  One is they're job scared.   It was in the 1980s, when it happened to me, and I did tell my immediate supervisor, (an older woman), who told her supervisor  (an older man), who obviously went to the owner of the company (McCleans  Trucking), who was the one who did it.   I was laid off a week or so later and at the time, was the highest paying job I'd ever had at the age I was then.   A couple yrs later, I saw his mug on a billboard, and he was running for office in NC, don't remember exactly what it was.   This happened in the 80's, and it never even occurred to me to take it further.   It was, however, traumatic, and seems like it happened yesterday.  Ford didn't tell, and from her testimony, I got that she was mortified/ashamed/afraid.   But, when she saw that Kavanaugh was probably going to be on the SCOTUS, she DID tell, and I understand why.    If the owner of that trucking company did that to me in the 2000s, I would own a chunk of that trucking company, but, oh well.  And why wasn't anything said about the men who waited 20/30+ years to finally come forward about the priests?  I'd be really interested in that answer.

 

Also,  what if it were YOUR daughter, wife, mother, sister, friend?   Would you still have the same attitude if it were YOUR daughter?     I'm really interested in that answer, too.

 

Educate the women in your family as best you can and let them know they can always come to you, no matter who the person was that molested, harassed, touched, or even forced more on them, and you won't judge them but will help them.    Could be that many in your own family don't open their mouths because they hear your bullBad word and just don't bother.  

 

 

 

About the female persecutor who questioned Dr Ford: The first question she asked Dr Ford was, "Why did you wait so long?" (red flag alert).

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22 minutes ago, laripu said:

 

It is, in the end, the main thing I have to talk about. The polite lack of interest is palpable. So why should I persist in that area? Occasionally I deliver the news about some things, mostly I shut up.

 

I am, however, still hearing stories from 1997, the last time my wife worked in a job. (That isn't a criticism. She works incredibly long and hard at home. Too hard. I  worry about her.)

 

 

Why do you do this? The cats aren't engaging in conversation with you. Forgive the presumption, but is it that important to you to hear your voice, when the words don't matter at all?

 

 

In the contrary, I find this interesting. And thank you for replying. It shows courage that others have not shown.

 

On a related issue, I've found that subtle changes in tone of voice are sometimes perceived by women as threatening. My examples: excitement about a scientific discovery, or intense interest in a work of music or art. Why this should be so, I don't know, but I've been told to change the level of intensity in my voice. This has been the case over decades, from multiple women, but never from men. Men meet this excitement with their own excitement. It even happens when friends come over, and I discuss politics with the husband, who is a nice guy, ex-military, but politically more to the right. We get into great discussions, and then both wives insist that they can't stand it. In that context, we just insist we're having fun and keep talking. 

 

Alone, I just shut up.

 

I'm more interested in keeping the peace than in being heard. If my voice is threatening, and I want to avoid fights, I do what's left to me. I shut up.

 

As to why I avoid fights, it is because I've found that when women fight, they always go for the jugular, no matter how trivial the argument. (Most, not all. But not just my wife.) They fight like their lives depend on a tiny detail. They fight with every weapon, no matter how irrelevant the weapon. They fight like Donald Trump.

 

Better to just shut up, unless there's an important reason to insist on being heard.

 

I beg to differ on one point. My cats and I talk to each other all the time. They know. I know. :)

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"Why do you do this? The cats aren't engaging in conversation with you. Forgive the presumption, but is it that important to you to hear your voice, when the words don't matter at all?"

 

Why?  That's an interesting question, and inexplicably brought tears to my eyes, just a little.   The answer is a bit complicated, so let's just say animals respond to me in a good way, and I'm an animal lover.  Maybe you wouldn't understand, so let's just say I do get a response from them.  

 

I'm actually a quiet person, always have been so it's not that important for me to hear my own voice.  Do you know people who talk to their animals?  I do.  I don't believe they like to hear their own voice; they just love their pets.  I hope that gives you some insight into your question.   🐺 🐱

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Kavanaugh, and I knew this the first time I saw him, is an arrogant, egomaniacal, liar, with a god complex. An angry man who is incapable of putting personal beliefs aside, in order to further his agenda. I believe Dr Ford  100%. I believe Brett  is incapable of being non partisan. He makes me sick. I think impeachment is in his future. But first things first. There were many pro life conservative judges to choose from. So why Brett ?? Brett was chosen for 1 reason only. He does not believe a sitting President can be SUBPOENAED. Thats what it's all about. He will be impeached!!That is more than fantasy. BK has a shady past. He will be exposed. Clam down  Brett; I mean the other Exposed. OOPS!!! Gotta go call 911. I see a white women walking on the sidewalk.

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11 minutes ago, dmgriel said:

Kavanaugh, and I knew this the first time I saw him, is an arrogant, egomaniacal, liar, with a god complex. An angry man who is incapable of putting personal beliefs aside, in order to further his agenda. I believe Dr Ford  100%. I believe Brett  is incapable of being non partisan. He makes me sick. I think impeachment is in his future. But first things first. There were many pro life conservative judges to choose from. So why Brett ?? Brett was chosen for 1 reason only. He does not believe a sitting President can be SUBPOENAED. Thats what it's all about. He will be impeached!!That is more than fantasy. BK has a shady past. He will be exposed. Clam down  Brett; I mean the other Exposed. OOPS!!! Gotta go call 911. I see a white women walking on the sidewalk.

You're right!   He's definitely very partisan, and he showed this to everyone, but I don't remember if it was before or after he sneered and cried and showed his ass.  

I also believe Ford.   Trump wanted him very badly for a reason.  He's going to need someone who has his back.   He and Trump have much in common since Trump is also an "arrogant, egomanical liar with a God complex."   

 

They're both disgusting.   

 

 

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2 hours ago, Mindy09 said:

"Why do you do this? The cats aren't engaging in conversation with you. Forgive the presumption, but is it that important to you to hear your voice, when the words don't matter at all?"

 

Why?  That's an interesting question, and inexplicably brought tears to my eyes, just a little.   The answer is a bit complicated, so let's just say animals respond to me in a good way, and I'm an animal lover.  Maybe you wouldn't understand, so let's just say I do get a response from them.  

 

I'm actually a quiet person, always have been so it's not that important for me to hear my own voice.  Do you know people who talk to their animals?  I do.  I don't believe they like to hear their own voice; they just love their pets.  I hope that gives you some insight into your question.   🐺 🐱

 

The fact that this brought tears to your eyes is interesting. More on that below.

 

I'm also an animal lover and we have two cats and two dogs. I talk to them to get them to do something or to inform them of something. Short sentences, never more than 3 words so they understand. Or repetitive phrases with tone of voice. Repetition and tone of voice make sense to them. They also respond to me, and they get lots of physical affection, petting and scratching for the cats and rough massage/petting up for the dogs. That sound bad, but they love it and come to me for it.

 

Examples:   Go pee.  Good boy. Good dog. Nose kiss. (Touch noses for affection.) Want ice?  (One of our dogs loves ice from the fridge.) Lie down. Go sleep. They're sleeping. (When they want to play with another dog that isn't there.) Swim swim. (They love the pool.) Go walk? Pet a cat?

 

I don't ever talk to them about stuff they can't understand, or use long sentences. I would never, for example, say "It's a lovely day out boys, how would you feel about taking a walk around the neighborhood?"  I'd just say "Go walk?"  They don't get much more than that anyway. Out of the longer sentence, they'd get the words "boys" and "walk".

 

So back to the first thing. If the question brought tears to your eyes, I must have hit some sort of sore point, and for that I want to humbly apologize. It isn't my intention to cause you or anyone any pain (even myself). That's exactly why I shut up a lot.

 

Your word "inexplicably" is worth your examination. I don't know what you'll find out. I don't know whether finding out will make your life better or worse. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss. But I know about me: I'd want to find out.

 

There are plenty of things that bring tears to my eyes. I can conjure them up in my mind and if I do it intensely enough I'll be weeping bitter adult tears in 5 minutes. Among them is the thought of mistreatment of a good and responsible child. The video below, for example, reduces me to a puddle every time. It's in Yiddish, my first language. The translation is pretty good. The poet who wrote the original words was Binem Heller.

 

 

 

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12 minutes ago, fourputt said:

I know he had to take a polygraph to combat Fords passed result during the hearings, I would love to see the results leaked.

 

I don't think he did.

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Laripu, don't give it a second thought, as you didn't hurt me at all, so no apology necessary.  I don't engage in long conversations either.   Well, maybe a bit longer than your conversations, but I'm ok.  No worries.

 

I'm just a little weird, but usually in a good way.

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