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He Had It All

I talked to a to a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.

He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."

I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"

"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no.... I was paroled...

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He Had It All

 

I talked to a to a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.

 

He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."

 

I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"

 

"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no.... I was paroled...

:)

 

 

How many Hillary's and Humas does it take to change a light bulb?

 

I don't know...I don't remember.

 

What difference, at this point, does it make.

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  • 2 weeks later...

U.S. President Donald Trump Jokes

Q: Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

A: Discrimination

 

Q: What is Donald Trump really trying to do?

A: Make America Hate Again

 

Q: What is the Beach Boys song "Kokomo" about?

A: All the places Donald Trump has bank accounts

 

Q: What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

A: Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!

 

Q: Why does Donald Trump take Xanax?

A: For Hispanic attacks

 

Q: What happens when Donald Trump takes Viagra?

A: He grows taller

 

Q: If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes, who survives?

A: America

 

Q: What’s the difference between God and Donald Trump

A: God doesn’t think he’s Donald Trump

 

Q: What is Donald Trump’s favorite chewing gum?

A: Bigly Chew

 

Q: Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

A: Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!

 

Q: How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

A: On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!

 

Q: Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

A: Because he never pays his debts.

 

Q: How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

A: Juan by Juan

 

Q: If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

A: The Trump Card

 

Q: How do you make Halloween great again?

A: By carving a Trumpkin

 

Q: Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

A: Because E.T. eventually went home!

 

Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.

 

Q: What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

A: Snow White Supremacist

 

Q: Why did Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election?

A: Because when he won, he moved into a smaller house in a black neighbourhood.

 

Q: Wanna hear a racist joke?

A: Donald Trump

 

Q: What’s 18 inches long and hangs in front of an assh*le?

A: Donald Trump’s tie

 

Q: What does Donald Trump’s wife call it when he takes viagra?

A: A rigged erection

 

Q: What do a thong and Donald Trump’s toupee have in common?

A: They both barely cover an assh*le

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A guy walks into a bar and he has a bird on his shoulder.

 

So the bartender asks "Where did you find that?"

 

The bird answers "He was marching for Black Deportations Matter so I knew he would listen to anyone."

 

The bartender nodded.

 

It was the third one that day.

 

 

 

104229007-GettyImages-506092136.530x298.

"Ha ha ha, that was a good one" (done in a Stephen Hawking robo voice)

 

 

 

kj

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Then why do you seem to be crying the blues? The 1st to instill hate and fear was Trump..now it is our turn.

Why are ultraliberals so obsessed ?

Why are ultraliberals so hypocritical ?

Why are ultraliberals such know-it-alls ?

Why are ultraliberals out of thier FKn minds ?

Why are ultraliberals so full of hate and rage ?

Why are ultraliberals so detached and in denial ?

 

Wilton2lg.jpg

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A wealthy man and a poor man are walking

down the street.

 

The poor man asks the wealthy man "What did you get your wife for Valentine's Day?"

 

The wealthy man said, "A diamond necklace and a Mercedes Benz."

 

"Why you get her that?" asked the poor man.

 

"Well if she didn't like the necklace she can return it in the Mercedes Benz."

 

"Oh" says the poor man that's pretty clever.

 

Is it the poor man that's pretty clever for NOT giving his wife jewelry and a car?

 

I don't get it.

 

How can he afford to get his wife jewelry and a car if he's poor?

 

Now the rest of the joke is ruined because the poor man is pretty clever.

 

If he was pretty clever, he would have enough money to buy some nice shoes for himself and hire a gigolo for his wife.

 

The wealthy man asks the poor man "What did you get your wife for Valentine's Day?"

 

The poor man replied "I got her a pair of flip flops and a dildo."

 

The wealthy man asked "Why did you do that."

 

The poor man replied "Because if she didn't like the flip flops she can go fuck herself."

 

 

Is it always this hard to understand the Left?

 

kj

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Fingers, Zarho, bennie the Kid and skewie were playing poker one night.

 

skewie had a pair of dueces and nobody else had shit.

 

There was a knock at the door so Zarho put down her crack pipe and put her wig back on and answered the door.

 

It was dontlickthatnow w/ his clown costume on and he said he had a phone call for the gang.

 

He pressed the speakerphone button, and held up the phone so everyone could hear.

 

It was President DJ and he said "You're all irrelevant!" and then he hung up.

 

The End.

 

post-55-1268733971.gif

 

 

 

 

 

kj

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Zarho and Fingers were hot-tubing w/ bennie the kid and merrill high in Colorado.

 

Suddenly, a large plane full of avgas, flown by sheMan and carrying bigDyke, Shilly Willy and dontlickthat crashed onto them and there was a big fire everywhere and they all survived.

 

The end.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

dyk.jpg

"That wasn't even funny."

 

 

kj

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A rather cocky U.S. Department of Agriculture representative stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer in New Hampshire.

He told the farmer, ‘I need to inspect your farm.

‘ The old farmer said, ‘OK, but don’t go in that field right over yonder.

‘ The Agriculture representative said, ‘Mister, I have the authority of the United States Government with me.

See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land.

 

No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?

‘ The farmer nodded politely and went about his farm chores.

Half an hour later, the farmer heard loud screams and saw the Agriculture Rep running for the fence and close behind was the farmer’s huge-horned prize bull.

The bull was gaining on the Agriculture Rep with every step.

The Rep was clearly terrified, so the farmer immediately threw down his tools, ran to the fence and shouted out:

‘Your badge! Your badge! Show him your badge!’

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A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

 

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"

 

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

 

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

 

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany.

 

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

 

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

 

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.

 

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

 

Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

 

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

 

"You work for the government", says Bud.

 

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

 

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter.

 

This is a herd of sheep... now give me back my dog.

 

Pretty funny

 

Now guess which one was the conservative, and which one the libturd?

 

BTW Five did you come clean on your lie yet? I want to like you again...

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