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Death Sentenced By A Label(Opinion On Autism)


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This is about my life, starting with the beginning of my education.
Kindergarten; my basic spelling, counting and math skills were on favorable par with fellow peer. After Kindergarten I was placed into Special Education for 1st grade for being different, on the possible suspicion of me having a neurological disorder like autism. The class had mentally challenged kids. I was harassed by other students for being in that class, to the point where everyone else was unfriendly to me. Despite drastically outperforming my classmates in special education, they still kept me in.
By the time I was actually allowed to be mainstreamed into normal education classes, by the 3rd grade, I was so separated socially from normal students that I wasn't able to integrate into them, so the mainstream classes were always removed back in favor of Special Ed. I would return back to a full schedule of retrds and my teachers would say something along the lines of "I told you so". This was a vicious cycle, and the harassment of other students eventually got me kicked from this elementary school and transferred to a new one. The new school would've been a similar process, but because the new elementary school had no record of why I was originally put into Special Day Class, I was eventually permanently mainstreamed into normal education for 5th grade. I was slow at first and had to catch up to the other students, but caught up to the point where I got better test scores than most other classmates.
In middle school things went absolutely terrible. My homeroom teacher thought something was wrong with me, so she began giving me easier homework than the other students. This lead to me being bullied nonstop by my other classmates; I tried telling my teacher about this but since I wasn't normal, she didn't listen. Things then escalated until the point where I had one outburst, and that was it. I was back in Special Day Class for a full schedule. I would go to Special Ed, not learn, and get harassed for being in it during breaks. The middle school special educators would talk down to me whenever I tried arguing to be put back into normal classes, saying "you don't know how to behave" or "you're immature".
For 7th grade I ended up in a full schedule with the special educator who talked down to me the most, named Mrs Saba(her real last name is here because she deserves no respect from me). This time around I was given even less chances at mainstreaming into normal education classes, but at one point got into 2 classes. Sometime in the middle of 7th grade of Special Ed, I questioned why I was being taught garbage curriculum, arguing that the class is worthless. Saba responded "Well you haven't proved to me that you can handle being mainstreamed". I had an outburst then rested my head onto my desk, I then hear her whisper to her teaching aid "He's having a meltdown"(I never realized she implied anything by it at the time, but I did years later). An appointment with the school psychologist was set, and I went to a meeting in the school over what happened. I was prescribed Zoloft and was made to take it daily. As it turned out, Zoloft caused me to go into temper tantrums at home, making my parents say "See, they were right, he does have behavior problems". I told them they were wrong, they didn't listen or care. I was shortly dropped from all normal education in the middle school. At some point the school gave me my own personal aid to watch over my every moment, to supposedly make sure I didn't endanger other students, despite the harassment I visibly received from them. During break the aid continued following me around, and I was made fun of so badly because of it that I was pushed to the limit until another argument occurred during the only mainstream class I was in. They suspended me from school(I was suspended multiple times before) but this time I was expelled shortly after.
In 8th grade I was in a different middle school, and it wasn't until then that I was permanently removed from special day class. In high school I got okay and acceptable grades. In my later years of high school, however, it was becoming more and more clear that I wasn't being treated equally. Teachers would mostly ignore me, they wouldn't bother reviewing any of my work, and students took caution to that. Though finally in normal education, I was still being ostracized. I also was part of my town's football program for a long time, and now on the high school team. I was the fastest player, but found it strange nobody ever played me in games or even spoke to me, and the trend continued the entire time on the team, each year. It was sometime in high school that I was diagnosed with Asperger's, which I accepted. Eventually I had a 504 issued for my bad handwriting, which was taken into account my all my teachers in 11th grade... But I noticed something was off. I was now met with emotionless glances by my teachers and given special consideration by them whenever I turned in garbage work, and at some point they sneaked in another special day class into my schedule known as resource. I was also given weekly "physical therapy" by the school and they forced me to meet that condition or else they were expelling me.
The therapy sessions only served to hurt my feelings. My therapist told me that since I have Asperger's syndrome, I have a lack of empathy. I told her she was wrong, yet I only received comments that I'm grandiose or that I'm only saying it because of my autism. For a bit over a year I dealt with being insulted by her comments. One session, she mentioned how she was raped decades ago and that since I have autism, I won't know how she felt. She gave me a chart of emotions to point at to describe it, and I pointed at guilt, anger and frustration in less than a few seconds. She was blown away... But the next appointment, I tell her that I proved my empathy, and her response? "You used logic, it doesn't count" and the "you lack empathy" comments kept coming at me session after session. Around this time I was kicked out've my high school because a piece of clay(less than a centimeter in length) I threw accidentally hit my teacher's ear lobe when I was really aiming at the trashcan, which was obviously unintentional since this was from across the classroom. I was charged with battery and assault(on a teacher) then expelled from the school; juvenile hall forced me to continue the therapy sessions. I was very confused over why this all was done to me.
By this time I had been questioning whether I really had any autism, then whether it even existed, but I was in denial, because my whole life I was being told something was wrong with me. My thoughts were "How could I have been put through so much for no reason? There's just no way, I must have autism, I just know it!". I spent additional months researching it, deep in thought, then finally came to the conclusion I don't have it and that it might not even exist. I went ballistic. I blacked out in unbridled rage, began breaking everything, left holes in my wall, was screaming at the top of my lungs. It's cause I realized that my entire life I was treated with inequality on the basis of something that had not been proved. In my last therapy session I show up and receive even more claims of my lack of empathy, so I snap her clock in half then walk on out. That was the end of therapy.
It's been around 4 years since then. I'm currently in college but still suffer from discrimination. My college teachers all seem to give me easy passes, and others avoid me completely. One teacher in my law enforcement class actually asked me what my mental disability is, and that destroyed me. It hurt. Besides college, I have moved my sleeping patterns to only being awake at night; the sight of sunlight reminds me of my times in education(which coincidentally occurred at day), this intense irritation of recalling those memories has left me debilitated enough as to where being outside during the day is an impossible task for me. At night I'm perfectly fine. However, autism awareness has spread so much that the moment I speak in public, whoever I'm talking to will treat me like I'm slow. Recently a family member on my father's side of the family was dying, and an aunt showed up to pick me up to bring me there. She arrived but upon speaking with me, she suddenly decided it'd be a bad idea and made an excuse for not driving me there. I later findout the aunt told the entire family on my father's side(I don't know them but still) that I'm autistic. When I finally visited the dying family member(through means of my step dad's transportation), they literally treated me like I was mentally challenged. I was coldly asked what my brain problems are, I said none and they gave me a look of disbelief. My father also relayed me a message that he overheard his brothers/sisters speak of me as if I'm retarded.
I have a video covering my thoughts on autism.
A copy of the video's description:
1) The Mechanism Behind Autism Has Not Been Demonstrated.
The supposed idea behind autism is that "many causes = causes autism = autism traits", but that's invalid. How it really works is "many causes = autism traits" which shows there's no mechanism behind autism and that those diagnosed with it are random occurrences. Autism medications have extremely inconsistent results, this is very telling. The mechanisms behind those diagnosed with autism are unrelated.

2) Autism Diagnosis Serves No Scientific Purpose.
Kim Peek
Disorder 1: Opitz--Kaveggia syndrome
Disorder 2: Autism
Disorder 1 cause: Genetic defect of X Chromosome
Disorder 2 cause: Unknown
Disorder 1 effect: Low muscle tone, severe developmental delays, macrocephaly characteristic
Disorder 2 effect: Unknown

So the point I tried to make here is that the diagnosis does nothing to explain what makes someone the way they are. As a concept autism may serve no purpose.

3) In A Nutshell.
The cause and cure to autism have not been found because autism doesn't exist. The diagnosis also fails to define a neurological disorder.
Lastly I don't need "How dare you, my son was diagnosed with autism" comments. Yes I know, they were diagnosed with autism and actually had needs so good for them, blah.
While it may be true that for some being diagnosed with severe autism offers treatment opportunities, treatments would be far superior if the exact defection behind someone like Temple Grandin were described. For instance her cerebellum is too small and her problems are probably better defined as such, since autism fails to describe the way her mind works.
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tldr

Because autism doesn't always define a neurological disorder, it fails as a concept, especially because I had to endure special education just on the basis I might have it and not on the basis proper diagnostic testing exists.

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This is about my life, starting with the beginning of my education.
A copy of the video's description:
1) The Mechanism Behind Autism Has Not Been Demonstrated.

The supposed idea behind autism is that "many causes = causes autism = autism traits", but that's invalid. How it really works is "many causes = autism traits" which shows there's no mechanism behind autism and that those diagnosed with it are random occurrences. Autism medications have extremely inconsistent results, this is very telling. The mechanisms behind those diagnosed with autism are unrelated.

 

2) Autism Diagnosis Serves No Scientific Purpose.

Kim Peek

Disorder 1: Opitz--Kaveggia syndrome

Disorder 2: Autism

Disorder 1 cause: Genetic defect of X Chromosome

Disorder 2 cause: Unknown

Disorder 1 effect: Low muscle tone, severe developmental delays, macrocephaly characteristic

Disorder 2 effect: Unknown

So the point I tried to make here is that the diagnosis does nothing to explain what makes someone the way they are. As a concept autism may serve no purpose.

 

3) In A Nutshell.

The cause and cure to autism have not been found because autism doesn't exist. The diagnosis also fails to define a neurological disorder.

Lastly I don't need "How dare you, my son was diagnosed with autism" comments. Yes I know, they were diagnosed with autism and actually had needs so good for them, blah.
While it may be true that for some being diagnosed with severe autism offers treatment opportunities, treatments would be far superior if the exact defection behind someone like Temple Grandin were described. For instance her cerebellum is too small and her problems are probably better defined as such, since autism fails to describe the way her mind works.

 

What has happened cannot be undone, let go of it. As the old saying goes,"Today is the first day for the rest of your lifetime within this atmosphere." Stop following standardize procedures, and start thinking exponentially as your brain operates.

 

You have 5 senses when working together simultainiously gives you a 6th perception of separating yourself from every body and every thing outside your skin. Navigate knowing every detail within and outside your skin is never duplicated while every body around you tries to make everything the same. You will become something they can never imagine, a real person of ancestry and their limited single topic, single issue, single objective will leave them lost in time.

 

go get'em. Success is the best revenge because you won't want to destroy anything real surviving this adapt or become extinct moment naturally and every citizen of societal evolution lives within an artificial world of words doing everything possible to deny now is eternity.

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