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Everything posted by hsl

  1. The early morning lacks the light of day and the moon seems a strange orb thousands of miles from earth that nevertheless sheds a crazed and pale, half moon floodlight over the whole world. The morning birds sing a maddened song to it, whistles and chirps that are unsure of it and whether they owe allegiance to the distant globe or the coming sun. A man walks by with a heavy back belonging to the dark, trudges Eastward into the day, one who has seen the whole of night and breathes cool air shaped with the pointilism of shadows. Cars alternately sleepily drift by exhausted a long night of wild spring undertakings and the more urgent vehicles that claim their drivers speeding toward early morning work. All is confused beneath the rule of the sky’s light. The suggestion of daylight slowly ekes into the picture stealing the moon’s power in an ever-slow contest that can only echo the voices of the ever more strident birds. They are the ones that in some deeper way will remember the odd happening engraved on their memory or captured by some odd seizure among birdkind, a striking moment that echoes back in time, the flower of existence captured by two lights.
  2. I am a writer/translator who has to stick with the 'School of hard knocks' learning that I have been involved with -- I am a liberal whether I like it or not, and I have to stick with the work in front of me. Recently I complained about the one-third cuts in foodstamps, which I suspect angered the governor so that I had to get out of the picture quickly. This note is an amends. It turns out that conservative are trying to suggest an escalation in notorious repution when they have no reason to. In other words, 'don't b ack down from those bastards.' attacking them is a mistake. but when they charge along the reputation lines, you have the higher ground...let them bounce off you. I know probably most of you know this, but it seemed like a good word to put out there. Hans Lillegard
  3. what ever happened to Guillermo del Toro's (SP?) version of 'The Hobbit?' (oops, that is about the movie, not from the movie.)
  4. Hey all, I had a question for you. I have a doctor that wants me to withdraw off Clonazepam. I am on two antipsychotics besides that, an anti depressant and a mood stabilizer (don't ask how I got on that stuff it is a long complicated story and better goes sotto voce. I know that usually it takes ninety days to withdraw, two months ago I didn't have co pay for it and went through several days of hell because of it. Now my doctor wants me to 'taper off' three milligrams (which I take daily) by the end of this month. Is that fair or is it some kind of malpractice or negligence? I threatened him with the use of Alcohol (and am right now sipping on some Smirnoff.) If any of you have any ideas on how to counter balance the withdrawal. There are a lot of bikers cruising up and down the street on a daily basis, but I don't know the basic 'etiquette' around them so that solution is out (as far as something like an antipsychotic goes.) Thanks, Hans Lillegard
  5. Just a recession!? The occupants of an apartment building are either ‘pigs, whores, or bums.’ Each has seen their foodstamps cut by one third, housing isn’t merciful. Thus the bad labels and the upper classe’s low opinion and mafia designation of the poor. It could be that they farted to the left, though. A gun goes off at night that might signal lights out nope, no nazi’s here(in fact, it seems I’ve heard Lincoln Nebraska is home to the National Nazi Headquarters – Hitler liked the architecture of the State Capitol so much that he wanted to save the building once the Nazis took over America.) Holding steady on SSI means going by low monthly entitlement payments and keeping the Medicaid every month thus the necessity of going to the food bank five miles away when the cash runs out. Hard to do without a car and a bus that runs on the hour. (It would run every twenty minutes if the everydays were scared blind by the oncoming global warming… and don’t call it climate change because I have gained the several degrees of knowledge?! and beg to differ.) This is Nebraska, and it is destroyed. This year looks like another draught, and everyone’s on staycation busy paying the electric bills they work so hard for. When are the dust storms and the mass exodus going to begin, for Pete’s sake…because that is all Nebraskans are eating these days…dust sandwiches….Any other Tea Party state dupes want to join in?
  6. So, I get a prescription filled with twenty one extra pills. Now I am four days short before I get a refill and I don't have anything left. The rest of them were stolen. Meanwhile the pharmacy that said they could get the pills to me on the twenty fourth has moved the date forward to the twenty sixth. and the prescription I have for tomorrow, which I had an on-call doctor order has also been moved to the twenty sixth. Meanwhile I suspect they have been spreading a nasty rumor about me being a drug addict. I am a writer and a translator and talented with the writing (I have published twenty five times with poetry and prose and have published a Russian translation)… I have to wonder if they want an employee or something. Anyway, I am going to go to the authorities with it, but if you guys want to spread the word, please do.
  7. Hey guys, I probably shouldn't have started this topic…so it is yours. You own it. I wanted to say that I am a person who has worked outside academia and have even worked outside of an editor's valuation of appropriate. The point is that I probably shouldn't be adding to that. I really need to be a 'yes' man. I just wanted to let you know. Thanks
  8. Actually, I shouldn't be writing stuff like this since I was in a university level academic credit dispute and also self-cancelled a publication. I suspect I was lined up for radical spin in some way that was pretty sneaky, and I really have to be a 'yes' man right now. Hans Lillegard
  9. It is a light snowfall, but has blanketed all. On the way to the grocery store there are a strange pair of tracks in the white. At first it seems evidence of an improbably expensive snowmobile, although it doesn’t have the tread mark between the two ski lines. What could cause the odd trail? The neighborhood is poor and there may be some looking for a few extra dollars to supplement for the cuts in food stamp benefits. The times are tough and at night the streetlights seem darker than usual. Folks just can’t adjust to the economic slowdown. The marks could be a sign of a peddler or somebody lucky enough to have a snowblower. It seems plausible although the footprints between the wheel tracks are invisible, though they fail to add to the mystery. Why the unlikely and snowy sidewalks? On the return trip there is a heavy set and younger woman in a candy apple red automated wheelchair. The mystery is solved. She wears plastic framed glasses and seems guardedly private. She seems stuck in the snow and gets an offer to push her up the hill, that she refuses. She is paramount to the times. The wheel chair may look brand new, but she should be able to get a ride. The times are as cold as the temperature. She gets an offer to hold onto a wine box while being pushed up the hill, that she refuses also, and is left to her destiny on the snowy, destitute and borderless sidewalk.
  10. p.s. In truth I cannot deny the fact that I have been anti-social. I was in a university level academic credit dispute, which I won my way out of in 2009 …during that time my interest switched to creative writing and I self cancelled a publication (and have since published twenty five smaller publications and one mid sized publication.) I ask that you keep this quiet, though as I don't want anybody to go through the suffering I have endured over the past twelve years. As far as the credit dispute alone, there might be use for in in these days when so many students cannot find jobs, or owe on student loans…there seems to be a variety of reasons to think publication as a last ditch effort to really stand up against the academic establishment that has turned on its own.
  11. In the wake of the September 11 attacks many did not know what to do with the happening. But instead of allowing the attacks to be followed in an organic manner, the powers that be took over, started two wars, and clamped down on personal freedom. Of course the billions spent on war is a tremendous waste. But to rob individuals of their personal freedoms borders on totalitarian thinking… especially when radicals are outlined by covert agencies as targets for extortion. It needs to stop. The Bill of Rights is one of the cornerstones of our constitution, and when those rights are eroded, the state fills in the behavior of individuals with its own plans. Snowden might have been a criminal if he had stolen information from a congressional committee that deals with secret issues, being those individuals are lawmakers and have to get a picture of the going’s on at an international and national level. But even that is debateable if the covert element of operations last for over ten years. The idea the Snowden is a traitor is ridiculous, considering what came to light after his exposure of the NSA. It is easy to say the FISA court looks with responsibility over the basic rights of individuals. FISA should have the special place of the general vote, considering the fact that they operate in secrecy. (Maybe the general vote isn’t the best idea, but I think that some sort of watchdog close to the populace is necessary.) I myself have been faced with the radical-extortion method and feel extremely uncomfortable about it. I don’t tote around bombs, I don’t transport child pornography (much less look at it.) I don’t believe in violent means as a solution to crisis, and I certainly don’t believe myself a danger to my country. If anything, the opposite is true. I think it is time the liberal community stood up to the extortion and shoved it down the toilet.
  12. p.s. my apologies it seems to work on extra medication. Maybe I can find a way through it that way.
  13. Water Cooler People! I'm not sure this is the best place to situate this issue. If so, tell me where I should put it and I will be glad to do so. I am a psychologically disabled person and a writer and a translator (Russian.) Although I have a schizoaffective diagnosis, I have been able to work with the writing and the translation, both on a post secondary level. I studied Russian at an American university for three years and then continued to study on my own -- I guess they call that a university level credit dispute (though a minor one) I published out of it. I also self cancelled a poem with an editor (English Language) I have since been through a school of hard knocks that has lasted twelve years and has left me frayed out and unable to write (crippled)… Where should I go with a problem like this? I am guessing nontolerance is the solution to the problem. How do I let others know that society is unfair in this way? Am I just complaining about a problem that I have created for myself? It seems to me the answer is no. I hope that I can serve as an example and reminder that the society we live in isn't necessarily just or free, that the Bill of Rights isn't necessarily a cover-all. And that freedom is still limited. Thanks.
  14. (I think the comment was inspired by my neighbor, who is also on food stamps)
  15. You Heard It, The pigs have it in Nebraska. Governor Heineman has authorized a food stamp cut. Food stamps are going down to about two thirds of what they were. Sounds like greed again has won the day. And we need to get a job? We need to throw the Republican bums out of office so that they can get a job.
  16. I am a published writer and translator who has done all of that on Social Security. I just found out that my food stamps have gone down and I can't make it through the month! I don't know what I am supposed to do! I think about all the other Social Security recipients who contribute to society and I can't help but be furious! Am I wrong about this? I mean, we are not all lazy like the caricatures pencil us out to be. Is the economy getting better? What about economic justice? Isn't it time the rich folks with plenty extra start taking the criminal charges they deserve and pay their fair share? We are not just the subject of a joke. We have needs and we need basic dignity. There are some people up top that need to crap or get off the pot. Anyway, you guys, more power to you! maybe if we keep posting we can organize and really change the mistakes that are being made.
  17. As the years have gone by, my father has become more and more conservative. I don't know what to do about it. It started out with him voting for Bush on the whole right to life thing. Then he starts talking about how English should be the universal language. I have read stories by (is it Li Yung Li?)/ But he believes that every communist government ever created is bad. Help! My Dad is a conservative!
  18. The night rushes up like a current of air working a thousand pine trees in a howl that can be nothing more than isolation. Cohabitation between the world and the victim takes over, and a place that can be joyful with the sun or weep with the rain, offers and washes through everything with emptiness and fear that produces the lesser imagination in sense’s feelings of the surround where intuition is thrown aside. A haunting assumes there is nothing else or nobody else out there. It makes the few sights and sounds there are improbable in a world where nothing is. Reality becomes the illusion. A door heard shutting lacks a human. It is the victim’s expense in emptiness. The world is ruled by instinct with the sense of the low voltage in the air, an attempt to match the surrounds.
  19. Paranoid, I know, but that is the nebulous world of writing, I suspect psychiatrists don't like it for that reason. My apologies to the psychiatrist in question. I can't say that being locked up is fair, but I have had to take a lot of stress in the past twelve years (created by myself.) I have this weird feeling that stress probably causes paranoia.
  20. Is it a Freedom of Speech Issue? I am a schizo-affective person who has developed the order out of schizophrenia in the last twelve years. I have a feeling that the psychiatric establishment doesn’t like the idea of me writing. I am a writer and a Russian translator who has come up the hard way, having to publish a translation to prove to the university community that I indeed know more about the Russian language than they assumed. I also self cancelled a publication and have been through a very painful if complete learning experience around poetry and short stories, thus the schizo-affective disorder. (The orginal schizophrenic issue might have been a combination of the Russian problem and living on the streets.) I have published eighteen to twenty times in short stories and poetry. Am I just crazy to think the psychiatrist wants me to quit writing? Is there a danger of hospitalization in the whole thing should I continue with the writing? I am hoping against hope that is not the case. I know, that I get the help of a public defender after three days of observation, but I am hoping it doesn’t get to that point. In any event, if you can answer the questions, or if you don’t have the time, if you can keep me in your thoughts please do. Thanks, Hans Lillegard
  21. …The sun is starting to slip over the geometry of the city. Square houses with triangular rooftops are only lit at their top points like the shining light atop the pyramid on a dollar bill. Each house is lit by the opposite and bright light of what is still Moses’s plague. It is a recession and and the points of light on the rooftops seem the only remaining pagan eye. Sunlight continues to invade the world turning all to desert. Most search out the lesser pyramid but there are a few, most of them just wakening who see the small and brilliant drops of light and understand they are closer to that than their very survival. We are poor and hungry and sometimes belligerent amid it all. We are sometimes the sweetest things when we refuse to stop giving. Above there are the rich who for the most part (go dancing on the backs of the bruised…nah) have decided that a cheap cruelty is the real solution to the economic situation. Nevertheless there are still a few liberals out there who realize the value of like beings, and who realize that investing in them brings a return and sometimes tenfold! They have a different set of priorities and are dissidents exiled by their siblings of the same financial ilk. They see through self preservation to the eternal value of sharing. Nicodemean and Aramathean they realize they are ultimately the same as their financial lessers. They thirst under the same sun and give in the same poorness of spirit. Hans Lillegard
  22. hsl


    Sorry about this recent one, everybody -- sometimes I find myself in paranoia and misdirect it a little bit ....I'll try to keep my work to political vision
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